No talk? Ha! Not in my house. Just this morning I was complimented by a neighbor we met on our walk on how super attentive Davie is. I gave her a "leave" command when she focused on the neighbor's Cocker spaniel, and she instantly shifted her focus back to me cause it's practiced to a default, and then I kept her attention by being chatty and telling her how sweet and brilliant she is and she was totally glued to me, prancing beside me in a perfect heel and with perfect attention. We looked fantastic and I keep my reputation for another day. And, by the way, Davie was off-leash, like she usually is in our neighborhood.
I talk to my dogs - all the time. Dogs have receptive human language skills, and why one would deny them the opportunity to learn what we mean when we open our mouth beats me. Both our girls know many words and respond to the ones that are really relevant to them even when they are part of a sentence. And that is not unique. Many of my friends and clients who treat their dogs like we do report the same.
The downside is that our dogs are paying attention when we talk all the time and respond when they hear a word they know. When I casually ask Mike if he wants to "go" for a leisurely stroll around the block, Davie and Will erupt in noisy, excited barks. Maybe that's why Millan doesn't talk to dogs? The association to certain words takes them out of the calm-submissive state.
No look? Not happening in my house either. The opposite happens. Eye contact is the very first thing I teach a new dog, and is also what I emphasize with my clients. Suzanne Clothier, author of the book "If Bones would Rain from the Sky", says that offered and prolonged eye contact is a sign of deep connection and I agree.
When Davie and Will offer eye contact, or respond to their name with eye contact, I know that I have their attention and can follow up with a command. If they offer it in a new situation, it is a signal that they are unsure and I can take action to make them feel relaxed and safe again. And if they see a squirrel and make eye contact, they are asking permission to chase - eye contact as the canine way of saying "please" or "I want".
Accepting eye contact from strangers is an important thing every dog should learn. Especially dogs that fear people; are insecure around them. They become more reactive when they feel paid attention to. Paying attention to a dog by looking at him is exactly what people do. Especially people that fear dogs. Millan can tell his visitors at his compound not to look at the dogs, but in real life, if you walk your Amstaff or Rottie down the street, people will look. You can bet on that. What you gonna do? Yell nonstop "don't look at my dog"? Not functional, which means that every dog should be desensitized to accept eye contact.
No touch! That also doesn't happen in my house. Anybody who knows us and our dogs knows that they live in paradise. The price they pay is to have my hands in their hair, and being hugged and kissed.
Having said that, Millan does have a point with the no-touch rule. Many dogs become hyper-aroused when touched, especially with fast and repetitive patting. In that state they are squirmy, grabby and mouthy. Often I meet clients with an already charged up juvenile, and hands-on patting or pushing, or even stroking, causes her to go over the top.
Some people can't keep their hands off a dog who's sleeping. I know, they are super cute when asleep, but everyone has the need to chill undisturbed. If constantly interrupted, the dog becomes over-stimulated and again overly charged up. Just because your dog wants to lay beside you doesn't mean she wants your hands all over her all the time.
I frequently recommend to back off a little with the touching and give the pooch some space.
And definitely hands-off as far as strangers go. I have a strict rule: unless my dogs want to be touched by someone we meet on the walk or park, and they clearly indicate that, which almost never happens, I don't allow anybody to touch my dogs - like I wouldn't allow just anybody to hug my child.
Hi Silvia. I'm really enjoying your posts. In regards to this one, I wanted to ask you: Is there a way you'd recommend for helping an insecure/reactive dog to calmly accept eye contact from strangers?
ReplyDeleteHi Zofia,
ReplyDeletethe first step is to mark and reward the dog for accepting eye contact from family and friends - people the dog feels safe with, to create an association that being looked at has a payoff.
Then expand incrementally to include folks the dog doesn't know, but keep it short and sweet and at a distance far enough to keep the dog sub threshold. Again, reward whenever someone looks at the dog. As the dog generalizes that being looked at is always good news, you can increase the duration and decrease the distance step by step.
You take Milan's excellent situational rule and make a fool of yourself with it. Watch one of his videos, just one. Now tell me is he touching, looking and talking? Of course he is. Anyone who hires you has made a bad decision.
DeleteYou take Milan's excellent situational rule and make a fool of yourself with it. Watch one of his videos, just one. Now tell me is he touching, looking and talking? Of course he is. Anyone who hires you has made a bad decision.
DeleteHi, Silvia.
ReplyDeleteI talk to my dog a lot. He's very attentive to it. Because of this post of yours and some other things you've written, I've come to realize that I have evolved a way of relating to, and communicating with, my dog wherein most times if I want him to do something I communicate with him about it and he agrees to do what I want rather than my giving him an order. It's a wonderful way of being with him, and I look forward to learning more from you about how this works and clear ways to take it farther.
The only drawback I have experienced from talking to my dog is that when I mutter to myself about something, he comes alert—even wakes up from a sleep—and assumes I was talking to him, it seems, and ready for action he studies me to see what he needs to know from what I've said. Of course, in those moments I wasn't talking to him. Have you got any suggestions about how to help him differentiate? I doubt I can stop talking to myself once in awhile! : ) And I don't want to keep disturbing him in this way.
Same with our dogs. They, too, become aware when we talk, and also when we move about. Not sure how to preemptively let them know that we do next is irrelevant to them. After the fact, so when they are already alert to our movements or voices, I give them an "all-done" command and hand signal that conveys that our actions and words do not involve them at the moment, and they go right back to rest, or whatever they were doing.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Silvia. I guess I do a similar thing, now that you mention it! When my guy thinks I've spoken to him, I often say in a soothing voice, "It's okay." His face softens and he goes back to sleep. If he thinks my actions signal something he would be involved with, I anticipate what he's thinking and say, if I'm not going out, "No going. I'm not going. I'm going to stay." That'll do it, though he continues to watch to be sure. If I am going out and he has to stay behind, I tell him I am going shopping (that's the word I use) and that he has to stay. That works too, although I can see he's disappointed. The hardest one is if I'm planning to take him with me but I'm not ready to leave for awhile yet. Then I try not to say anything to him, but when he keeps asking me with his eyes or jumping up ready to accompany me somewhere I finally tell him that I am going in the car, and yes, he's coming with me. But he has to wait! He knows what "You have to wait" means, so that tends to buy me a block of time to get ready before he starts asking me again! I wonder if using a hand signal, as you do, would help reinforce for him that he's not involved with whatever at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI always use a distinct hand signal with the spoken word(s). Some dogs perceive body signals better than vocal ones and I like to make communication as easy as I can. Humans already do it automatically and dogs pick up on those cues. So, I might as well use it deliberately to be consistent and add clarity for my dogs.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that when they get the "no, you have to stay home" verbal information, that at the same time I am shaking my head even though I am not aware of it, and that is why they slunk back to their beds.
Having said that, both Will and Davie equally respond to my words with their backs turned and off leash, when they don't perceive my body signals
As I understand it, Cesar's rule is meant for dogs who are overexcited and/or anxious when they meet new people- and it's especially for those with separation anxiety. I've never understood it to be that you can never touch, talk to, or have eye contact with a dog. Practicing this rule for about 10 min before I leave and when I return to my home has greatly helped my dog with separation anxiety.
ReplyDeleteClaire that is how i understood it too. Dogs with agression toward people etc. Its helped me also when people come over to our house.
DeleteClaire is absolutely right. This rule is for when the dog misbehaves, not as an absolute rule. If Silvia would have watched the show, she would know that.
ReplyDeleteI woke up this morning to find that my Cooper peed in the house. I am implementing the No Look, No Touch, No Talk...and he knows he's in trouble. It's better than screaming at the dog :-)
No touch, no talk, no eye contact is for dogs you don't know and other very specific circumstances. It is sad and funny at the same time that there are people that take the advice of this "Trainer".
ReplyDeleteNo touch, no talk, no eye contact is for dogs you don't know and other very specific circumstances. It is sad and funny at the same time that there are people that take the advice of this "Trainer".
ReplyDelete